


Gaining Her Wings

by LadyofI



Series: Realm of Insanity [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 06:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofI/pseuds/LadyofI
Summary: Imagine a world without war. For Irene Williams, this is normal and even peaceful. But, when she turns 10, her world changes.





	Gaining Her Wings

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Talks of suicide and depiction of cutting are in this. Tread carefully.

     (Irene)

     “ _That looks_ hideous. _And you call yourself a creator?_ ”  
  
I was ten years old when I first heard that voice. I had just finished designing and painting a toy car. Looking back, it probably wasn’t as pretty as I thought - pink with white trimmings - but I had worked so hard on it.  
  
I went crying to my mom about the mean man in my room telling me these things, but when she came in my room, wielding a baseball bat and ready to kill, she didn’t see him.  
  
“Mom, he’s _right there!_ ” I pointed at the corner, only a small part of me noting that there wasn’t anyone there. She set down the bat and looked down at me, a tired -and… regretful?- look in her eyes. _Had she just gotten home from work_? I wondered.  
  
“Sweetie, there’s no one here.” Yep, she had just gotten home from work. I could hear it in her voice. My mom worked so much that I’d started to assume she lived at work and taking care of me _was_ her job. I pointed at the corner again, trying to hold back tears.  
  
“I’m not lying! There’s a mean man there and he’s saying mean things about me!” I waved around my toy car for emphasis, accidentally smudging some of the trim with my thumb. “I made this nice car for you, and he said it was hideous!” She took the toy car from my hands, eyeing it.  
  
“Well, it _is_ pretty…”  
  
I beamed.  
  
“...But not as good as your other projects.”  
  
As my face fell, I heard the voice in my head again, smug this time.  
  
“ _Told you_.” I whirled around, furious.  
  
“ **Shut up!** ” I screamed, only to get a stern hand on my shoulder. Mom had put the car down and was grabbing her bat.  
  
“You can fight with your imaginary friends _later_. Go wash your hands and get ready for dinner.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“Go.” Mom’s tone left no room for argument.  
  
As I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, I heard laughter in my head.  
  
It wouldn’t be the last time I heard that voice.

* * *

  
  
      My “imaginary friend” lay low for a while after the incident with Mom - probably to lure me into a false sense of security. A few weeks later, I was just about ready to admit I’d been hearing things...which, of course, prompted it to come back.  
  
I was in the middle of an English test, faced with a couple of questions that I admittedly wasn’t too certain about. After several minutes of thought, I finally wrote something down - I’d barely finished before a familiar voice began _tsk_ ’ing in my head.  
  
“ _Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. Can’t you do_ anything _right?_ ”  
  
_Shut it,_ I thought. _You’re not gonna psyche me out, whoever you are.  
  
_ “ _No need for that,_ ” the voice replied. “ _Why bother psyching out someone already doomed to failure?_ ”  
  
I grit my teeth at the insinuations. _English is one of my_ better _subjects. You don’t know a thing about me, do you?  
  
_ “ _Think again, little girl…_ ” The voice’s mocking joviality slipped, but only for a moment. “ _I know more than you think...for instance, you’re not passing this test._ ”  
  
I snorted at that, only for the voice of my teacher to break the silence. “Time’s up, everyone. Please bring your tests to the front desk.”  
  
... _What?_ I looked around to see my classmates getting up and grabbing their papers. _Oh,_ ** _great._** _My little chat with this idiot went and wasted all my test-taking time!_ With a groan, I grabbed the half-finished test and went up with the rest of my class, ignoring the voice’s quiet chuckling.  
  
“ _I must admit, you’re a brave one if you’re willing to hand in such a pathetic attempt at completing your assignment. ...A shame that bravery’s your_ only _redeeming trait._ ”  
  
I willed myself to tune out the voice as I handed my teacher my test. I turned to leave, only for her to stop me.  
  
“...Miss Williams, what is the meaning of this?” I mentally paled and turned to face her, “I give an entire period to do this and you give me a half-finished test?” My classmates started snickering behind my back as I kept my eyes focused on a spot on the teacher’s desk.  
  
“I...uh...I’m sorry, ma’am,” I whispered. “I couldn’t, uh...concentrate, I guess?”  
  
The teacher slowly shook her head. “One of my brightest students…couldn’t concentrate.” Her slow, measured tone told me she didn’t buy it. “You’re staying after school to redo this.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am.” I ducked my head as the snickers behind me rose to suppressed giggles at my misfortune. _I hope you’re happy, you big jerk.  
  
_ “ _As surprising as it sounds...I’m no happier than you,_ ” the voice replied. “ _After all..._ ** _you’re still here_** _, aren’t you?_ ”  
  
As those words rang out in my head, I finally realized what my tormentor wanted; he wanted me dead. Ruining my life in all the worst ways, until it became too harsh to take.  
  
...Suicide had never crossed my mind until that moment. _But that was exactly what he wants from me. I can’t.  
  
_ “ _Actually, you_ can _. It’s so easy, a baby could do it - might be a little harder for_ you _, but...I’m sure you’ll find a way._ ”  
  
I scowled as I walked back to my desk. _Let me rephrase that: You’ll_ never _make me want to cross that line._ ** _Never._** I did my best to stand up to my mental tormentor, even though I was secretly terrified as to what else it would do to mess with me.  
  
Predictably, the immediate response was another dark chuckle. “ _If you only listen to one thing I say, little girl, listen to this: do_ ** _not_** _underessstimate me..._ ”

* * *

  
        It took an hour, but I finally got that test done and was able to leave. My “friend” was quiet the whole walk home, so I thought I was safe.  
  
And then I got home to find my mom sitting on the couch, looking _infuriated_. I mentally groaned. _You have got to be kidding.  
  
_ “So, what’s your excuse for the test, Irene?”  
  
_No sense in lying._ “That man was… talking to me again. I couldn’t concentrate.” Mom’s face softened somewhat, going from anger to disappointment.  
  
“Why couldn’t you be like your brother?” she muttered. “He’s already a doctor, and he’s not even 18 yet.” I hated where this conversation was going. My older brother was a prodigy, and everyone in my family loved him for it. I’d probably like him a lot more if his successes didn’t put so much pressure on _me_ to rise to his level.  
  
“I’m not as smart as him, for starters! I’m just a mistake!” Mom went dead silent, then her voice went dangerously low.  
  
“Don’t. **Ever.** Call yourself a mistake, Irene.”  
  
“Why not? Grandma called me that. Are you trying to tell me I’m not? Because I’m certainly not as smart as Isaac and never will be!” I screamed.  
  
“Alita doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about!” Mom went from low to loud, then she took in a breath, “I… Shit. I’m so sorry, Irene. I shouldn’t be trying to put pressure on you to be like your brother. I… I was hoping I’d get lucky and have two prodigies for children. But hey, if you’re not like Isaac, that’s okay. You… You do you, okay? You’re not a mistake, and if I ever hear you call yourself that again, I’ll beat your ass.”  
  
“Um, can I head to my room now?” I asked quietly.  
  
“Yeah. But no more of your little projects for the school year. Clearly, something’s occupying your attention more than school and I can’t have that.” I didn’t let my mom see how pale I was right at that moment. I loved making things; kept my hands busy.  
  
Three months without projects? What was I supposed to do?  
  
And more importantly, what was I gonna do about this horrible voice in my head?

* * *

         The next three months were a blur. While I tried to focus on my schoolwork, I felt… bored, lethargic even. The only thing on my mind was sleep, the _only_ place where I could get away from that repulsive voice.  
  
It didn’t take long for someone to notice; one day, I was called into the nurse’s office.  
  
“Miss Williams, are you getting enough sleep at home?” I was asked before I even sat down.  
  
“Yeah.” Truthfully, I was. Eight hours, as always.  
  
“Eating well?” I nodded. Mom made sure of that.  
  
“Any troubling thoughts?” I blinked in confusion at the nurse’s next question. “As in, thoughts of hurting yourself or others?”  
  
I paused as I considered that - as much as I didn’t want to admit it, thoughts like that _did_ start to creep into my mind. I dwelled on it for all of 30 seconds before deciding to be honest.  
  
“Yeah. I just… I just wanna sleep. And never wake up.” I frowned as the nurse wrote down something. “You think I’m making it up, aren’t you?”  
  
“No, but this is troubling. I will get in touch with your mother today.” My eyes widened.  
  
“Please don’t. I’ll never hear the end of this.” I begged.  
  
“Sorry, but I am required by law to notify someone about what you just told me.” My shoulders slumped. _And for what, so my mom can yell at me again about something else?_ My grades were starting to fall, and to say my mom wasn’t happy was a _vast_ understatement. As the nurse got on the phone, I was sorely tempted to try and sneak out, anything to avoid hearing the conversation.  
  
“Hello, Mrs. Eliza Williams? …… Yes, this is…” I tuned the nurse out as another feeling of exhaustion came over me. When I turned away, I saw a man standing in the corner - well, at least something man- _shaped_. His entire body was black and fuzzy, like he’d walked out of a malfunctioning television screen. A smug smile was the only visible feature of his face, but his voice was painfully familiar.  
  
“ _So, this whole time you’ve been putting on a show just to avoid saying that you wanted to end your miserable life? Bravo, bravo._ ”  
  
I scoffed. _Oh, shut up. You haven’t won yet.  
  
_ The man’s smile widened as he leaned on the desk. “ _And there’s the key word, little girl:_ ** _yet._** _Remember that promise you made all those months ago?_ ” To my utter surprise and horror, his form shifted into a mirror of myself, although his horrible grin and voice remained. “ _You will_ never _make me want to cross that line._ ” He let out a soft chuckle as he reverted to his original form. “ _And look at you now. You have no friends - no one believes the crazy ones, after all - your grades are falling, your teachers are all disappointed in you...and let’s not even_ ** _begin_** _with your family, especially your mother~_ ”  
  
As he laughed again, I gasped for breath as my chest tightened. As my vision blurred, I could just barely see the nurse looking at me, her own eyes widening before she practically shouted into the phone.  
  
“Ms. Williams, _get your daughter_ ** _now._** She is having a panic attack.” After hanging up, she ran over and patted my back gently. “Breathe, Irene. It’s okay. Take slow, deep breaths.”  
  
It felt like I couldn’t even do that - I felt lightheaded as tears ran down my face. After what felt like an eternity, I felt air coming back into my lungs as I heard a door open.  
  
“Doctor Vahlen?” I didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared when I heard Mom’s voice.  
  
“Ah, Ms. Williams. Give her a few minutes to breathe.” All I was hoping for was some peace in my head, if only for a few minutes.  
  
Of course...the universe couldn’t even give me that.  
  
“ _Sooner than you think, little girl...sooner than you think. Ah ha ha ha……_ ”  
  
The returning laughter was too much. I blacked out.

* * *

  
         I slowly came to in what felt like a moving vehicle. Someone was talking, but I couldn’t tell where they were.  
  
“...All I’m saying is that everyone’s been too hard on her. I’d rather be just intelligent than a freaking prodigy.” I groaned when my head cleared enough to place the voice.  
  
_Great_ . Who asked Isaac to come along? I sat up as my brother turned around to look at me. “Welcome back to the world of the living.”  
  
“Wh...where am I?”  
  
“On the way to Mercy. Specifically, the Behavioral Health Center.” Great. We were heading to where Mom worked. “So, Irene, why didn’t you tell anyone you were feeling like this?” She sounded annoyed, causing Isaac to scoff loudly.  
  
“You’re reinforcing my point, Mom.”  
  
My mother’s disapproving gaze turned to my brother. “Isaac, I am _trying_ -”  
  
“If what you heard was true, then trying to force answers out of her is doing more harm than good!” Isaac’s voice rose as he rolled his eyes in the way he tended to do when his “diagnosis” was being disputed.  
  
“I’ve never had to deal with someone who hears _voices!_ ” My mother gave an exasperated grunt as we reached the hospital. “I deal with heart palpitations and pacemakers, not mental disorders!”  
  
“Then take a remedial course in Psychology,” Isaac replied. “Clearly, you’ll need it.”

* * *

  
**-8 YEARS LATER-** **  
** **  
**       I let out an involuntary whimper as the razor blade sliced down my arm. I was careful not to cut too deeply -being around a heart surgeon and a budding psychiatrist did that to you- but enough to get the blood flowing. And to wait until everyone was gone. In the past, I wouldn’t have considered cutting to be the method that shut him up, but after accidentally slicing open my hand on a beaker in Chemistry silenced him for two days, I jumped on it. I wasn’t always good at hiding the scars, but I managed to stave off concern by pointing out my new hobby. The days of making and painting toys cars were over. Now came the days of working with chemicals and blueprints to make new things. My teachers even told my mom that I might have a future as an engineer or a chemist if this kept up.  
  
As the blood flowed into the bathroom sink, I was greeted by the sweet sound of silence in my head, matching that of the outside. _Now I can focus on other things for-_ The front door opening startled me, causing me to cut a little bit too deep and let out a yelp.  
  
“Hey, Irene! I forgot to get my comp! I’ll be out in-” I didn’t have time to shut the door before Isaac saw me bent over the sink, clutching my arm in obvious pain. “...Um.”  
  
“Fuuuu- it’s hard to explain.” I said between gritted teeth.  
  
“Ana! Bring the first aid kit!” I heard our robotic maid grabbing the first aid kit as Isaac rushed into the bathroom to check up on me. _I’m getting blood on this shirt, aren’t I?_ I raised up enough to both look down at my bloodied arm and my slightly bloodied shirt. _Greaaaaaaat. That’s gonna be fun to clean up._ _  
_ _  
_ Ana came in holding out the first aid kit to Isaac, who pulled out the antiseptic, some cotton balls, and bandages, setting them on the sink.  
  
“Sis, this is going to sting.” To my credit, I barely let out a cry when he dabbed the antiseptic on my arm. A moment later, he had my arm expertly wrapped, with only a little bit of red showing. “So, dare I ask?”  
  
“...It shuts him up, okay? I never get peace unless I do so.” Isaac let out a sigh and pulled me into a hug.  
  
“I wish there was more Mom or I could do for you.”  
  
“You won’t tell her, will you? She’ll kill me if she finds out.  
  
“I don’t like hiding things from Mom, but… when you’re ready to tell her, I’ll be there with you.”

* * *

 _Here we go again_ , I thought as the officer escorted me in. A stressful time in Chemistry class drove me to the brink - one outburst later and here I was, at a Behavioral Center for the 7th time in my life. This time, I was at Valley Life BC, one of the largest centers in the state and set in what probably used to be a grand mansion - I suspected I would be going back to Mercy the next time I moved.  
  
“You need me to help you reg-” I waved my hand dismissively at the officer’s question.  
  
“Nah. I’ve done this too many times now. Thanks.” He walked out with a shrug, leaving me to walk up to the station.  
  
“What are you here for?” the nurse asked, not even glancing up at me.  
  
“Schizoaffective disorder - particularly, hearing voices that want me to kill myself.” I pulled up my sleeves as I spoke, revealing the slashes on my arms. One or two -I had gotten better at hiding them from Mom and Isaac- were recent, while the rest were scars that had built up over the past years. “Now, do you need a list of my medications, or is that in my records somewhere?”  
  
Yep, I’d done this _far_ too many times - if the nurses didn’t keep changing, we could probably set a record for fastest patient entry. As it was, I got in pretty quickly - 20 minutes.  
  
“Right this way.” I followed the nurse into the crisis center, and found myself pleasantly surprised by how spacious it was. “We try to be a little more lenient than most crisis centers,” she explained. “You can’t just ask for a _knife_ , mind you, but as long as it doesn’t cause you or one of the other patients trouble, it is allowed.”  
  
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Come on, like someone would ask for a knife in a crisis cent-” The look she gave me told me otherwise. “...Yikes. And here I thought _I_ had it bad.”  
  
A sharp laugh made me turn. “Oh, you mean like what Sarah requested?” The laughter came from a man in a yellow and black shirt standing nearby.  
  
“Oh, shut it. If I had my knife collection, I’d stab you for that remark,” a woman in red scoffed. “Plus, I was _kidding_.”  
  
“You say that _now,_ after it got you stuck here another week.”  
  
I smiled at the banter and followed the nurse to my room. After putting away my papers - why did they always give me this stuff? - I took another look around the center, particularly at the others in here. Besides the two arguing back and forth, there was a woman in black doing a puzzle at a nearby table, and a man on one of the couches reading a book. I was beginning to wonder if they were the only ones here when a loud shout startled me, followed by a _thump_. As three nurses opened a door and rushed in, one of them holding something I didn’t recognize, the others all looked annoyed or bored.  
  
“Great,” the reading man sighed. “He’s acting up again.” He paused, as if he realized I was moving closer to see what made that sound. “Miss, I _really_ wouldn’t do that if I were you. He’s in solitary confinement for a _reason_.”  
  
“Um, isn’t solitary confinement considered inhu-” I paused to repress a shudder, both from the thought and another shout - whoever was in there was putting up quite a fight.  
  
“I thought it was, too. But for that guy, it doesn’t seem to be enough.” The man shook his head sadly as I sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling rattled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it after a while. Name’s John, by the way.” He chuckled softly, then held out a hand.  
  
“Irene. And hopefully I won’t be here long.” I took the offered handshake, only to wince at his cold touch. “Um, wow. I didn’t think it was that cold in here.”  
  
“Yeah, he hears that a lot,” the woman in black said. “I swear, it could be 98 degrees outside and he’d _still_ be cold as ice.”  
  
“At least my wife appreciates it, unlike Little Miss Witch over here.” I looked at the woman, confused.  
  
“A witch? No. Just someone who works with herbal medicine. And also, I thought your wife-” The glare John shot her right at the moment stunned me and shut her up.  
  
“Do I dare-” I began, only for him to look at me.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. Don’t listen to Eris over there.”

* * *

        The next day had me attending the classes offered by the center, where I learned more about the people here. The two bantering were a pair of twins; the brother only came along to support his sister, who had tried to kill herself two weeks ago. Eris was the motherly type who came down with postpartum depression after giving birth to a stillborn. She had ‘adopted’ the twins and myself while she was here, something I didn’t mind. We ended up being roommates - when I had nightmares the night before, she all but harassed the nurses until they came in to check on me.  
  
It was John, though, that confused me. No one here knew his full story, and everyone was too scared to ask him. He seemed normal - then again, so did I, until an outburst - as long as nobody mentioned his wife. I was dwelling on this when we heard the doors open and two people talking.  
  
“...So, any questions?”  
  
“Yes, got any books?”  
  
I turned around to see a nurse escorting a woman into the room. She was wearing all white and holding a book in her hand. As if she knew I was watching, she looked at me and shrunk back. “Um, is there… something I can help you with?” she asked timidly.  
  
“Sorry, just curious about who was out there.” I went back to listening to the class until she walked over a minute later, still escorted by the same nurse. She sat in a corner, almost in a ball.  
  
“I _really_ don’t want to be here,” she complained, trying to hide her face in a book.  
  
“I don’t think _any_ of us wanna be here, to be honest.” I muttered.  
  
“Callie, you promised. Two classes per week, then you could skip. And classes ask for participation.” The nurse said, to Callie’s dismay.  
  
“Fine.” She put down her book and took a seat in an empty chair. “What were we talking about?” she asked.  
  
“We were just finishing up the class with a proper introduction.” Eris calmly explained.  
  
“I’m Callie. And that’s all I want to say.”  
  
Sarah let out a sigh as Callie went back to reading. “Well, that’s a start.”  
  
_Well, maybe tomorrow will bring her out of her shell. Everyone here seems pretty nice overall - who knows, maybe this place has something that’ll finally shut this voice up for a_ long _time._  
  
In hindsight, I think the universe has a _twisted_ sense of humor. My wishes would be granted - but in a way I would never expect.

* * *

       Something should’ve told me this day would end in disaster. When I woke up, I was drenched in sweat and Eris told me I had been tossing and turning in my sleep. And when Mom called, we got into an argument and I hung up on her in a rage - it took a call from Isaac to calm me down.  
  
So, really, I should have seen it coming from a _mile_ away when the voice finally made a comeback. It was during lunchtime - I was sitting with Eris and the twins, just about to enjoy a sandwich, when I heard a hatefully familiar chuckle in my head.  
  
“ _Well well well...it looks like you’re taking imprisonment just fine, little girl~_ ”  
  
I sighed mentally, more exasperated than surprised. _Oh goody._ You’re _back. Don’t think I’m gonna give you a repeat of our last “chat”, you damn psycho.  
  
_ Predictably, this only seemed to amuse the voice. “ _My oh my...such anger! Is it possible that you’ve fallen back into your delusions of self-worth?_ ”  
  
_I refuse to listen to anything you say,_ I mentally scoffed. _I’m learning from my mistakes. I won’t-_ My eyes widened as a horde of shadowy figures appeared out of nowhere.  
  
“ _When will you realize it, little girl?_ ” The figures took on my form as they surrounded me, passing through objects and people as though they were ghosts while speaking in unison. _“_ **_Your very_ ** **existence** **_is a mistake!_ ** ” As they drew nearer, I glimpsed their eyes; golden irises with slit-like pupils. “ **_A mistake that we’re going to CORRECT._ ** ” The last word faded into a chorus of harsh, screeching laughter as the figures merged into a wall of shadows that continued to press in on me.  
  
“Get away! _Get away from me!_ ” I screamed, falling to the floor in a heap. I covered my ears and curled into a ball, anything to avoid hearing the laughter. My heart and head were throbbing as all of my senses started to fail me - the last thing I remembered before blacking out was the vague feeling of someone grabbing me amid muffled screaming.

* * *

     I felt a gentle shaking, like someone was trying to wake me up. It took a second, but the memories came flooding back and I shot up, wide awake.  
  
_Easy there. Don’t hurt yourself._ I snarled as a new female voice popped up in my head.  
  
“Who’s there? Show yourself!” I screamed, jumping to my feet.  
  
_Ah, right. You’re probably not too happy at hearing another voice, even if I am not malevolent. One second._ A figure appeared out of the corner of my eye and when I turned to face her, I thought my heart had stopped.  
  
She looked _exactly_ like me, but with silver eyes instead of my green.  
  
“Who… who are you?” She chuckled, but it was different from what I was used to - genuine amusement rather than sadistic malice.  
  
“I am…well, I guess you could say I am _you_. More importantly, I am your voice of reason.”  
  
I crossed my arms in annoyance. “Well, where the _hell_ have you been all these years?”  
  
“I’ve been with you. The quiet voice in your head trying to help you. Sadly, he’s so powerful at this point that I’ve been all but silenced.”  
  
“Why? Why is he this powerful? How is it possible?”  
  
“All your insecurities, all your doubts - your negativity, basically. He’s steadily drained them from you to become stronger - and as he did, he fed the negativity inside you, keeping the cycle going.”  
  
As it sunk in just what kind of monster I had accidentally created, I found myself glancing around this new place. Nothing but white as far as the eye could see. _Wow, it is utterly lifeless… wherever I am._ I wanted to look at _something_ , so I pictured a cityscape - to my surprise, the exact same image appeared around me in full, “living” color. The figure before me made an impressed hum at this.  
  
“It seems you really are a creator,” she said as she took me by the hand. “Come along - we might as well expand this place.”  
  
That brought me back to my original train of thought. “Uh...what <i> _is_ </i> this place?” I asked. “Besides whatever I want it to be, I mean.”  
  
“This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter.” The figure gestured as I summoned a park. Sitting down on one of the benches, I glanced around. I could see people walking around, but… it still felt lifeless. It made me yearn for home, for people I could actually talk to, interact with, _do something_.  
  
My companion seemed to notice my distress. “I can feel it. You yearn for society, but fear how it will spurn you.”  
  
“Of course it will. Just like everyone else.”  
  
“Is that what you believe...or what _he_ told you to believe?”  
  
“...At this point, I can’t tell what is my thoughts, or what I was led to believe.” I looked towards one of the buildings. “I feel… broken.” At that very moment, a large chunk of the building broke away and fell into the barren street below.  
  
“Yet...you are quite strong already. If you are broken...I feel you will repair yourself before long.”  
  
I found myself gritting my teeth at that. “Do you know how many people have told me that, in some form?” I asked rhetorically. “ _Take this medicine, Irene, it’ll help you. Do this, Irene, and the voices will go away._ _Listen to this, and you might stave off the thoughts!_ Nothing has worked so far.”  
  
“And yet by my ability to say so as well...you still believe you can fix this, with or without the medicine. Correct?”  
  
“There is probably a piece of me that believes that, yes. But-”  
  
“Then there’s still a chance. And a chance is better than an absolute to the contrary…” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “But you’re afraid. Of the chance it might fail, especially when it’s so high to you.”  
  
“Of course I’m afraid! I’m afraid of failure, of having another _fucking_ thing blow up in my face!” I heard the sounds of another building falling apart behind me.  
  
“And it’s understandable. Everyone has that same roll of the dice...Some are courageous enough to try, and others are foolish enough to not care for the outcome. Not everyone rolls the same way...There is no rush, Irene. Take your chances when you are good and ready.”  
  
My anger failed me right at that moment. “I want to try something else. And clearly, while I’m here, I have the ability to create a new path. But still, it’s terrifying. There’s so much that can go wrong that I don’t even know where to start. And then there’s the fact that this place is between dream and reality. So, what happens when I wake up?” I paused as I remembered what had caused me to end up here in the first place. “...Assuming I _do_ wake up.”  
  
The figure smiled. “Oh, you will, do not worry about that... Just do what you can for a reprieve before you return to the world you remember.”  
  
“You seem certain of that statement. I didn’t think you were omniscient or something.”  
  
“You are here in a place between what you know in your mind, and what you know is real, and not in the afterlife… You did not die -although you came close-...you will wake up in due time.” It was said with almost unsettling certainty - like this voice of mine knew more about this place than I did. But still, I had to do something, if only to stave off boredom.  
  
I set off for an area far away from here, some place where I could experiment in peace.

* * *

      "No, no, no, **no**!” With that, I destroyed the castle and its ‘inhabitants’. I had lost count of how many times this had happened, but every time it was the same. Build something I thought looked nice, fill it with people, decide it’s not good enough and destroy it. It wasn’t the buildings that irked me - all the years of building stuff as pet projects made me good at that - it was the people.  
  
They were lifeless, bare bones. They existed just to exist, and nothing more. These caricatures of people were vexing to no end, and eventually, I just sort of gave up trying.  
  
_I’ll have more time to work on the people later - right now, I should cultivate this world in my head. After all, if I go here every time I sleep, I’d best make it something worth going to…_ _  
_ _  
_ With that thought, I continued making new buildings, no longer worried about the lack of occupants.

* * *

  
      I stood on the roof of one of my building projects, gazing over the newly built city with pride. Yes, it still lacked people, but it was _beautiful_. I headed back down and met up with my voice of reason.  
  
“Looks gorgeous, Irene.” I beamed, feeling my face turn red at that. I let out a yawn and she chuckled. “I think it may be time for you to head back home.”  
  
“But I…” I sat on the ground as I let out another yawn, “I just got here… right?”  
  
She only smiled. “I will see you soon.” That was the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes.

* * *

      I could hear voices. Well, muffled voices. I slowly opened my eyes, wondering what was going on. I could see what I thought to be flowers, an IV, and…  
  
“Ho- how… how long…” Why was my voice cracking? I couldn’t have been out long, right? My vision cleared and I suddenly felt like my head was caught in a vice. I clutched my head as blinding pain shot through it.  
  
_Make the pain stop. Make the pain stop. Make it- “_ **STOP!** ” I could hear myself screaming the last word as intense light filled my vision. I felt like I was floating for a few seconds, and then the lights went out. I waited for the generator to kick in, but nothing.  
  
“Huh? Does this place not have emergency lights or something?” I sat up as I pondered aloud, only for two things to hit me at the same time.  
  
One: A dead-quiet hospital. In a nice-sized city.  
  
Two: My headache was gone.  
  
I stepped out of the bed and gingerly walked to the doorway, only to nearly scream at what I saw. Bodies were _everywhere_ , as if everyone had just dropped dead. I ran to one of the nurses and placed a pair of fingers on their neck. I could feel a heartbeat, but shaking them only elicited gurgles. Checking a couple of others yielded the same result - alive, but unresponsive. It was as if I was the only one in this place that didn’t fall victim.  
  
I had to find someone in this place that was responsive. Maybe the crisis unit might be some help.

* * *

     Well, I soon found out why the lights were off in the hospital. As I was rushing to the crisis unit, I got lost and looked for a map of some sort. While I was looking, I past by a window, and found to my surprise that we were in the dream realm. The buildings were the same as the ones I built. Unless someone was playing a horrible prank on me, it was the same place. _How_ that was possible was still a mystery.  
  
Anyway, I found a map and soon returned to the crisis unit, where I wasn’t surprised to see a similar situation mirroring the one in the medical care wing. Although, it hurt seeing them on the floor, unresponsive. As I stepped towards Eris’s body, a thought occurred to me.  
  
More like inspiration. _I needed people in this world. Maybe they could provide the shel-_ I nearly slapped myself. _These are people, not dolls!  
  
_ “Technically, they are husks.” I found myself staring at my voice of reason. “Irene, you don’t get it, do you? _You_ did this. Your power brought this hospital to the realm, along with everyone inside it. Were they prepared, they might still be alive. But as it stands, they are nothing more than breathing husks.”  
  
It was a minor miracle that I registered any of her words - I nearly fell to my knees as a wave of horror washed over me. _I_ had done this. Somehow, I brought this whole hospital to this new world and got everyone killed.  
  
This did not go unnoticed by my voice of reason. “Don’t blame yourself, Irene. You still have a lot to learn about your fledgling abilities - sadly, this is the cost of your journey to unlock your true potential. Still...you might as well as use them to help populate your world.” Her voice brought me out of my daze - albeit only to stare at her in shock. “There is nothing we can do for their original selves - but there’s nothing stopping you from creating _new_ beings _based on_ them, is there?”  
  
I continued to stare at her, trying to make sense of all this. Use the bodies of the people I’d essentially murdered as templates for denizens of my new world? It sounded utterly _crazy_ , even by my standards...but there wasn’t anything stopping me, really. I needed life in this place and if there really wasn’t any way to restore their minds, they’d be the perfect base…but what if they remembered who they used to be?  
  
I was dwelling on this decision when a familiar voice popped up in my head.  
  
“ _Why not head to Solitary Confinement? I’m certain that will_ clear your head.” He chuckled as my voice of reason frowned.  
  
“Leave her alone, you fiend.” Her voice was harsher than I’d ever heard it. “I think you’ve done _quite_ enough already.”  
  
“ _Oh, don’t be such a killjoy. I helped her realize her potential just as much as you did - the stick to your carrot, if you will~_ ” Despite his casual tone, the other voice gained an element of something I couldn’t quite place. Wariness? Disgust? Anger?  
  
It was hard to tell, especially since I wasn’t paying much attention to either of them at this point - I was focused on something the first voice said. _Solitary Confinement…_ It was the only place I hadn’t checked, and while it was a long shot, I needed someone else to talk to in this new world.  
  
As if she read my thoughts - and to be honest, I’m pretty sure she was - my voice of reason turned to me, shaking her head. “Don’t listen to him,” she warned. “He’s done nothing but hurt you so far - why would he change now?”  
  
“ _Don’t sound so doubtful,_ ” the other voice replied. “ _I’m not one for repeat performances - what fun is there in being predictable? Besides..._ ” He chuckled again. “ _...Things have gotten a lot more interesting now. Our little girl might be useful to me after all..._ ”  
  
…’Useful’ to him, huh? Well, that explains a lot. I had a sneaking suspicion that the voice had known I could do this all along, and he _wanted_ me to find out. Now, the only question was... _why?  
  
_ For once, my voice of reason made no comment on my own thoughts - instead, she seemed to be looking beyond me with her best stinkeye. “You speak of her like a tool...something to be used when convenient and thrown away when you no longer need her. Disgusting...”  
  
“...Didn’t _you_ just call these people husks and suggested that I use them to populate this world?” I muttered, crossing my arms. That made my voice of reason refocus on me.  
  
“That is different,” she said. “They were victims of an unfortunate accident - we can do nothing to restore them-”  
  
“How do you know!?” I screamed. “You didn’t tell me a _lot_ of things. At least _he’s_ honest in telling me that I’m a pawn.”  
  
Now my voice of reason looked outright taken aback. “You would choose slavery to something that should not be over a chance to carve your own path?” she asked. “He has done nothing but undermine you, isolating you from everyone in an attempt to drive you to despair.”  
  
“Believe me - I’m _done_ listening to him.” My expression hardened. “I’m done listening to _anyone_. I want honesty. I want freedom. And if either of you want to stop me, then feel free. But know this - I am _not_ dying anytime soon!"  
  
As I spoke, I felt a weird prickling sensation on my back, followed by a noise reminding me of unfurling cloth. I glanced behind myself to see that I’d sprouted a pair of red-and-black butterfly wings, moving in time with my breaths. Looking down, I also noticed that my clothes had changed - they resembled an outfit I’d seen in the mall and really wanted, but my mother couldn’t afford to buy it.  
  
“I will forge my own path. If I have to, I will cut some people out of my life and _make_ new ones.” Despite myself, I smiled. “Maybe I _am_ crazy...but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I started to head outside for a quick breath of fresh air, only to hear that voice.  
  
“ _So...you’ve decided to make your own path, eh? Well, let me be the first to ask...what, exactly,_ is _your path?_ ”  
  
“Besides putting you in a straitjacket?” I shrugged. “I’ll finish my world and bring everyone back - either in their bodies, or as inspiration for my creations.”  
  
“ _Interesting._ ” The voice was silent for a moment, allowing me to step outside before he spoke up again. “... _But what if someone’s still in their original body?_ ”  
  
“...Explain?”  
  
“ _Well, you said it yourself - there’s a lot you don’t know about your new powers or this place, and you still haven’t checked Solitary Confinement. Who knows - maybe you’re not the first inmate to find this place. After all, if_ you’re _crazy enough to pull something like this off…_ ” He paused to chuckle to himself. “ _...Well. You’ll never know unless you see for yourself~_ ”  
  
I took a breath of the outside air as I considered that idea. On one hand, I _was_ curious to see what exactly was behind that door, and I could probably handle whoever was back there (control over the entire world and all). On the other hand, I wasn’t born yesterday - anyone who openly called me a pawn probably didn’t have my best interests at heart.  
  
Still, my curiosity was piqued. And hey, maybe I could get rid of this voice and test out my new powers in one go - assuming whomever was in Solitary Confinement was like everyone else here.  
  
“Alright then.” I pictured a double-barreled shotgun, and it appeared in my hands. “Might as well finish my canvas of this place before I get ahead of myself.” _But this is just to shut you up.  
  
_ The voice’s chuckling sounded a bit different than normal. “ _Believe me, little girl. You’ll be rid of me soon enough..._ ”

* * *

  
        After redesigning the inside of the hospital to look more like a grand mansion, I headed back inside and towards Solitary Confinement. To my surprise, it was a quiet walk - I guess both the voice in my head and the voice of reason had decided that I wasn’t going to be taking any unsolicited advice.  
  
Making sure that my new weapon was in easy reach, I pushed the heavily-built door open. Almost immediately, I nearly dropped my shotgun when an awful noise blasted my ears - the closest thing I could compare it to was television static being played at full volume. I didn’t even get a chance to see who was inside; I forced the door shut and leaned against it, shaking.  
  
“Wha… what the hell was _that_?” Struggling against my continued quivering, I rushed to the nurses’ station and digging around. _Come on, come on, I know Isaac is the type to bring it with me if I forget it. He wouldn’t fail me-_ “A-ha!”  
  
I triumphantly picked up a silver comp with a set of black earbuds and hugged it. “I knew my brother wouldn’t fail me. I wonder when he brought it.” As I stuck in the earbuds and turned on my music, I realized something.  
  
It was quiet. Other than my music, my head was quiet.  
  
Something that hadn’t happened since I was 12 - for some reason, that whole year had passed without an incident. But now...there wasn’t even a hint of the voice that had tormented me for just under half of my life.  
  
I thought I’d be relieved, but...it was almost creepier _without_ that presence in my head. Especially since I’m pretty sure mental embodiments of negativity don’t just _vanish_ without warning.  
  
_Well...no point in worrying about it,_ I thought. _Might as well do something productive now that I’ve got some music back in my life - time to get world-building!_ I nodded to myself, stuck the comp in my pocket, and turned to leave...and then I heard it.  
  
_Clap. Clap. Clap.  
  
_ Applause. Slow, deliberate clapping that echoed through the empty hospital.  
  
What worried me, however, was that I could _hear_ it. It wasn’t in my head - someone else was here, walking around this world. And by the sounds of it...they were heading my way.  
  
I spun around to face the source of the noise, shotgun raised. “Who’s there?!” I yelled. “Don’t try any funny business - I’m packing _literal_ heat!”  
  
A soft laugh accompanied the applause as a tall figure appeared in the doorway. “Ha ha ha...no need to be so violent. I’m just here to give you my honest thanks... _little girl_.”  
  
That did it. I honestly hadn’t recognized the man walking into the room - tall, gaunt, and wearing an admittedly _wicked_ suit - until he called me that, but the realization made my whole body feel numb. “Y-you?!” I gasped.  
  
“That’s right.” He smiled, showing off a mouthful of decidedly-inhuman fangs, as he stepped closer. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be _overjoyed_ to see that we’re finally separate beings~”  
  
“Congrats on tricking her into giving you a body all your own.” The voice made me turn to see my voice of reason standing beside me, shaking her head. “You just _couldn’t_ resist the temptation to harass her creations along with herself, could you?”  
  
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, every world has to have a devil to its goddess, doesn’t it? Someone to provide its denizens with challenges to overcome and tests of their faith - it wouldn’t be a very satisfying world without some... _obstaclesss_ , now would it?” A noticeable hiss came into his voice as he finished his sentence.  
  
“...In other words, you want to torment them like you did me.” I sighed, shaking my head in exasperation. “You’re quite an ambitious traitor, aren’t you?”  
  
His eyes - the same gold-on-black I’d seen before - flashed. “Ahahahaha...you are _lucky._ I also want to see how far down the rabbit hole you take this place.” I noticed the thinly veiled anger in his voice, “But tell me, Irene... _what good is reason to a madwoman_?”  
  
What happened next was almost too fast for me to follow. The man lunged at my voice of reason, a rapier appearing in his hand - by the time I realized he had moved, the blade was already buried in the other figure’s forehead. My voice of reason made no sound - perhaps she was as shocked as I was - but the look on her face told the story as she vanished in a puff of smoke.  
  
“You… you _monster_.” I gasped as he wiped off the blood with a summoned handkerchief.  
  
“Don’t act so shocked. You have full control over this world, and yet you did nothing to save her.” He dispelled the cloth as he turned away. “Next time, give me something _interesting_ to destroy.”  
  
Before I could retort, he was gone, leaving me truly alone. I looked over at the bodies, guilt coming back over me. I didn’t want to, but...at this point, what choice did I have? The people I created were lifeless. Maybe with a base…  
  
_I don’t have time to refine my powers yet...not with_ him _hanging over this place. ...Forgive me, my friends - I’ll try my best to “restore” you.  
  
_ I walked over to the nearest body - by some weird twist of fate, it was Eris. I kneeled next to her, picturing her new form. As I prepared to change her, a thought occurred to me. _You wanted to be a mother._ I smiled at the thought of her with kids. _I might not be able to restore you perfectly, but I sure can try and make your new lives even better than before. Let’s see how you look in black...  
  
_ Giving myself a moment to make my thoughts crystal-clear, I placed a hand on Eris’s head and began focusing. Despite myself, I couldn’t help letting one stray thought drift back into my head.  
  
_It’ll be a bumpy ride...but the end will be worth it. The world is a cruel place...but it’s also a beautiful one. I’ll make_ sure _of that._

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap, this story did not want to be rewritten. Yes, I rewrote parts of it from its original place on deviantArt (TwistedKunoichi on there) mainly because I wanted to explain Irene's relationships with her mother and brother, especially her mother. Because as you'll find, I am never satisfied with my writing and eventually either retcon it or rewrite it.
> 
> I am Insanity_Lady on Twitter or mythicalmiracles on tumblr if you wanna shout at me.


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